Vulgar times at the ranch


October 27, 2010 by jessperriam

The 1980s were a hideous time for interior design… or design in general. They were however, a brilliant time for manufacturing. I was manufactured in the ’80s.

I think I just broke my brain with that last sentence. Sorry.

No really, sorry.

Last week I trawled through some mid-1980s cooking magazines to find a dessert recipe. Hilarious times ensued.

But next to the stack of cooking magazines sat a glorious, glorious stack of magazines entitled “About Homes in Perth”. How could there not be retro gold hiding within their glossy pages?

It’s retro gold of the “It’s not cool enough to have come around full circle” species. Maybe one day, but not today. Oh Lordy, no.

But if I was threatened (with wild banshees or bad coffee) to design my Barbie dream home with only early 1980s design elements, here’s what would feature:

Quite possibly the most vulgar bedroom suite ever. Ever

Aww... that's rather cute! Not everything in the '80s was hideous...


Cane furniture? When will they realise it leaves painful, unsightly marks on your bottom?

The perfect gift for the '80s powerlady who has everything...

Lose the shaggy rug and indoor plants and I actually love this. Gold star for the keys on the wall.

Ahem. The jungle belongs outside...

Where the hell do I start? Red taps! A spout coming out of a lilypad! Argh!

I like to call this style 'tropical Sweden'

I'm still pondering why birds and cats are modelling the last in tiling innovation.

My retinas are scarred from the wrought iron, and the lampshade and the curtains that formerly clothed the Von Trapp children.

Friends don't let friends have mission brown bench tops.

Wow. I might go and watch some Sons and Daughters or A Country Practice or maybe play some games on the Commodore 64 or something…


5 thoughts on “Vulgar times at the ranch

  1. Clare Day says:

    that last kitchen is the spitting image of OUR kitchen in the 80’s! except we had mission brown TILED benchtops – dunno why!

  2. Ivy Blaise says:

    Shudder…I grew up in an orange kitchen…. with brick-look alike wallpaper. Ah well. That first picture of that “lovely” bedroom in your post…well it most likely is the most horrid room I have seen in a very, very long time. I would probably not be able to contain myself I walked in there..would collapse in hysterical laughter and then get chucked out.

    • jessperriam says:

      I know. I didn’t really notice how hideous that first picture was until I saw the mirrors… and then the lights and then the separate mattresses? I think roses are the icing on the vulgar cake!

  3. Julian says:

    I think they are still making this stuff – some of the hotels I have stayed in for work have similar decor.

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