June 6, 2010 by jessperriam
“Smile,” El Presidente would always tell me as I stared into space, lost in whatever my mind dragged me to.
Cue fake, overdone smile. Then cut back to frown or look of complete melancholy.
I could have done with something like that today.
I woke up on the wrong side of bed, if that’s possible. The third floor dorm of my hostel is hot and muggy. It’s impossible not to wake up in a layer of sweat. The pillow is as hard as the mattress and just as thin. Everything hurts.
And today I was over London. And I knew if I admitted it, someone would pull out the old, ‘if you are bored of London, you are bored of life’ line.
And I don’t think I was over London per se. I was over the inability to share the experience. I want to have coffee with a good friend in the morning, I want to go somewhere and explore with my friends. Not alone, blending in, wandering on my own.
And I know the ability to travel, to take time out, to experience new things is fantastic. But the one thing that has plagued me over the last three years of either moving away on my own or travelling on my own is that immense loneliness that comes with experiencing great things and not having someone to share it with. And I never will. My memories of Orange are one-sided tales sometimes backed up by one or two others. My memories of these next few months will be incredibly one-sided.